Blurb：
Penelope Croft, aka **The Profile Reaper**, turns viral livestreams into a masterclass for spotting dating app red flags. Armed with her **Height Inflation Rule** and razor-sharp wit, she dissects profiles like:
- **"Six-Foot-Two CEO"** with **eight-pack abs** seeking a **flash marriage surrogate** (spoiler: that G-Wagon owner’s pretzel poses scream ).
- **Forty-two-year-old "Sales Manager"** scribbling **debt-ledger notebooks** while eyeing **NoSugarCoated’s forensic accountant dowry**.
- **GlitterBomb99’s filter-heavy "finance bro"** pushing **Hudson Yards penthouse fantasies** between **Venmo guilt-trips**.
From exposing **gaydar-worthy sugar daddy scams** to shutting down **height-liars** and **mortgage-digging gold-diggers**, Penelope’s clashes with **fragile-ego trolls** and **mom-forced matches** redefine **modern dating chaos**.
Viral moments:
- **SweetSerenity’s diamond-ring showdown** with a closet-case **cosmetic surgery CEO**.
- **Alpha female NoSugarCoated** torching a **5'6" carless schemer**’s **dowry ambush**.
- **Sugar mama offers** turned **$1,000/month meme traps** for **desperate Tinder thirsters**.
For fans of **savage dating app roasts**, **gaydar goddess clapbacks**, and **Hudson Yards flex-fails**!
Content：
§01I’m a professional lie detector, and my livestream is where men’s carefully crafted dating profiles come to die.
“Six-foot-two, CEO, eight-pack abs, and… accepts flash marriage.”
I picked my nose, studying the profile on my second monitor.
“He’s looking for a surrogate to pop out a kid for him. Next!”
“Forty-two years old.”
“A man’s golden years are usually about twenty years after that. Tell him to come back when he has a pension. Next!”
“Five-foot-eight.”
“The Height Inflation Rule: if the last digit is five or more, subtract two inches. If it’s less than five, round down to the nearest whole number. He's five-foot-six, tops. Next!”
The male viewers, their fragile egos shattered, were losing their minds in the live chat.
Then, I got a call from a truly high-quality man.
I stared into the camera, still picking my nose.
“You want me to be your sugar mama?
A hundred bucks a month, sound good?
Not enough? Let’s add a zero!
A thousand bucks… over ten months!”
§02
My name is Penelope Croft, but online, they call me “The Profile Reaper.”
I’m a content creator at the perfect age to get married.
Thanks to my mom’s relentless matchmaking barrage, I discovered that the men on these dating apps were about ninety percent fiction.
So, I turned my frustration into a brand.
I started a livestream dedicated to helping my girlies analyze the authenticity of their potential dates.
It’s eight p.m., and tonight’s stream is just getting started.
“Alright, girlies, get your notebooks out. Professor Penny’s class is now in session!
Grab your popcorn, your peanuts, your mineral water, your beer, your soda, your everything. Feet up, let’s go.”
The chat scrolled faster and faster as the viewer count climbed past ten thousand.
I leaned into my mic. “Ladies, one virtual sports car gets you a one-on-one call!”
Before the words even faded, a user named ‘SweetSerenity’ sent a virtual Panamera gliding across the screen.
My eyes lit up. I hit the connect button.
“SweetSerenity, my dear, what can the Reaper do for you?”
Her voice was as soft as honey. “Penny, could you help me analyze this guy’s profile? I need to know if he’s marriage material.”
Damn. Her voice was so sweet.
It was enough to hook me like a fish.
Beaming, I transcribed the man’s details onto the whiteboard behind me, just as she described them.
Height: six-foot-two. Profession: CEO of a well-known chain of high-end cosmetic surgery clinics.
Hobbies: fitness, with an eight-pack to prove it.
Owns a penthouse condo in Hudson Yards and a G-Wagon, both paid in cash. Annual income in the seven figures.
And the kicker: he’s open to a flash marriage.
Download the Novellia app, Search 【 881644 】reads the whole book.
The End